For Ripple readers who also read the weekly column Feel Better Now, the topic of “emotional themes” may be somewhat familiar. If it is not, then this will be a juicy exploration for you.
As humans, we tend to perceive life events in a very linear, often disconnected sort of way.
Example: “I got married and felt happy. We started having disagreements and I felt angry. We got divorced and I felt sad. I got a new job and felt hopeful. I wanted to please my boss and felt stressed.”
While all of these above scenarios were true in the moment, the threads which weave our life’s tapestry are all connected. Deeper truths and emotional dynamics are almost always at play.
Example: “I wanted to feel security in my relationship, so I got married. This made me feel a sense of assurance that I would never be alone, which enabled me to feel happy.”
“My spouse and I started to have disagreements which made me feel angry. I felt angry because I felt undervalued and unloved. If I get honest about my life, I can sense that I have felt undervalued and unloved since I was a child.”
“If I have been carrying these emotions since I was a child, then maybe it is not my spouse’s fault, but it is my very own psyche who has become attached to older feelings of being unloved. Perhaps I am projecting those old feelings into my current relationship.”
“Perhaps if I can release the sadness of feeling unloved when I was a child, I will quit creating situations and attracting scenarios which make me feel unloved.”
“I got a new job and I feel hopeful. I feel hopeful because the job represents the possibility of financial security, and financial security represents the possibility of being more loved and respected by others.”
“I want to please my boss, so I feel stressed. I feel stressed because the need to please my boss subconsciously reminds me of how much I tried to please my dad when I was a child. The current stress on the job also reminds me of how inadequate I felt when I did not meet my dad’s expectations. I did not realize this at first, but if I dig deep, I can sense that since I was a child, I have lived in constant fear of being inadequate.”
“Also, if I do not please my boss, then I may lose the possibility of financial security, and if I am not financially secure, I will not be loved and respected by others.”
Wow! Who knew there were so many underlying layers to the feelings and emotions we have on a daily basis. But, the truth is, there are always deeper layers.
Your level of awareness of these layers determines how stressed and powerless or how peaceful and empowered you feel on a daily basis.
Humans are experts at denial and avoidance, however. So if you read the above paragraphs and had a very quick and sharp reaction rejecting their validity, then you may be experiencing some denial and avoidance.
This discussion is not being presented to create any shame or self-judgment. It is being presented to help the human race get more honest with the deep layers of our psyche, so we can become healthier versions of ourselves.
As we become healthier individuals in psyche, body, and spirit, our communities actually become healthier too. What good, honest person would not want that?
Over the next week, as you notice yourself having a strong judgment, emotion, or opinion about something, try to dig a little deeper – for your own liberation and empowerment.
In the midst of your strong judgment, emotion, or opinion, ask yourself this question:
Does this situation poke at an underlying fear of not having safety, security, or certainty in life?
If so, when was the first time you remember feeling this way?
For most people, these feelings began when we were children.
Travel your attention back to yourself as a child, and allow yourself to feel the emotions of this uncertain time in your life.
Then, ask this younger version of yourself what he/she needs from you. Wait silently to see if this part of your psyche offers you an answer.
Then, honor the request of this younger version of yourself.
You may end up laughing as the younger version requests an ice cream cone, or to go fishing with friends.
Sometimes healing these estranged parts of our psyche is simpler than it seems it would be.
In the next Ripple, we will further explore this topic.