I run like the wind! My thighs ripple! I’ve run the couch to 5k! Oh, wait a minute . . . | Times2

Between the end of March and the end of June, 858,000 people downloaded the NHS-backed couch to 5k app, which represents a 92 per cent increase over the same period last year, and I downloaded it and have to tell you this: it works.

I am fitter than I’ve ever been, healthier than I’ve ever been, slimmer than I’ve ever been. My aerobic endurance is second to none. I feel strong, as if I could lift a horse over my head, like Pippi Longstocking. I feel I will live to about 768 years old. I run like the wind and my thighs, once so lost to flab and cellulite, the poor dears, now ripple with muscle. OK, I probably went too far with that last